You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
