i think i have two assholes
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
