i think i have two assholes
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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