I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize