Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
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the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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