On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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