your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
