Cold hands, warm shart.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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