So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
