eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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