I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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