yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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