I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
