im drinking this country out of the recession.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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