dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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