i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize