Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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