This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
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if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
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I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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