I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You're like the curious george of whores
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
