Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
