Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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