I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
