dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
