Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
