This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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