State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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