You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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