I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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