My cat gives me a boner
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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