do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
you're hired as official boob wrangler
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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