shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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