You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
