He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
