i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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