I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
