put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
