Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
