You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
