I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
