A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
