mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
