Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
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I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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