My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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