I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
