Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
