let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
