New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
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I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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