my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
