hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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