dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
