I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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