Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
