Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
