Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
