I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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