we made out on top of his cat.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
