I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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