I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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