I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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