i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
